20 Apr EP156: Customizing Your Relationship | Amy Gahran
Amy Gahran aka Aggie Sex, is the author of the book Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator which delves into customizing your relationships to fit your needs.
Still don’t quite understand the relationship escalator from that short description? Amy, who’s appeared on CNN.com and Entrepreneur.com, goes deep into this topic and how it relates to how people behave in their relationships.
This conversation will make some people rethink their relationships and how society shaped the norms revolving around it. Some of the topics we touched on are:
• Amy’s background and how this factored into doing a research that delves into the different forms of relationships that became the basis of the book (3:37).
• The concept of relationship anarchy and how it is juxtaposed to the relationship escalator (7:25).
• How relationship anarchy is a philosophy that promotes not taking anything for granted, and everything is negotiated and consent-based (7:25), and the different forms of relationship anarchy (12:42).
• How social norms are helpful in terms of social contract, but can likewise be limiting (9:53).
• How seeing people in pain and fear out of societal expectations in their relationships became her motivation for the book (13:22).
• Relationship Escalator defined based on societal expectations when it comes to relationships, and why it is an escalator and not a staircase (17:00).
• The stigma involved with stepping off with the relationship escalator (19:35), and crazy things that people have done because of the relationship escalator (21:10).
• How people misconstrue that if what you want in a relationship conforms to social norms, it is assumed that it does not need to be negotiated anymore (23:35).
• How exclusivity in a relationship will not always equate to love, and commitment, how monogamy does not always provide a guarantee, and how the concept of soulmates romanticizes dependence (27:25).
• Finding relationships based on the concept of proxy criteria (37:00).
• The concept of jealousy triggered by other complex emotions, societal expectations, and conditioning, which can be resolved by setting boundaries, negotiating, and managing expectations in a relationship (40:30).
• The concept of exploring and trying out new things, expanding comfort zones, and boundaries through communication and negotiation (50:54).
Amy makes it clear that you can negotiate what kind of relationship you’ll have with the people you’re already involved with or new ones you’ll encounter. Learn more about her insights by reading her book, Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator. Get a discount on a signed paperback copy by visiting OffEsclator.com and purchase the book via the add to cart button, or go straight to this link and enter MST under discount code to get 10% off. Or you can purchase via Amazon.com.
Or, you can purchase a regular paperback, check out the CreateSpace e-store, and get 10% off by entering XEN4P9YL upon checkout, or buy via Amazon.
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