09 Feb EP127: Men and Masculinity | Connor Beaton
Connor Beaton is back on the show after roughly a year since the last time he was the guest when we talked about something controversial. Connor is the founder of Man Talks, a community designed around building better fathers, husbands, leaders – better men in general.
Connor is a self-proclaimed renaissance guy who likes a range of things from opera and yoga to construction and boxing. Today we talk about all the aspects of masculinity in today’s society and how it affects men’s personality, emotions, and relationships.
Some of the things we talked about are:
• What causes the difficulty of guys to understand women (5:38).
• The Spartan Warrior’s Goji Training where young boys train to become warriors, where half of the day was spent training for combat, and the other half studying finer arts, music, and dance, and how these are integrated into creating elite warriors (6:34).
• The definition of femininity and masculinity out of Osho’s description of light and its opposite – darkness (11:07), and how these also represent life and death (13:05).
• How women see men and what it’s like to be in the presence of a man who is very masculine (14:02), and what presence is like in the mind, the physical sense, and spiritually-wise (15:30).
• That what women want are not necessarily mind readers but proactive men who are in tune with women’s needs without having to ask (23:18).
• The difference on how men connect physically vs. women connecting emotionally, how to bridge this gap, and examples to illustrate emotional connection (25:53).
• How Connor views the differences between genders, how people identify into the dichotomy, and how associating with the opposite pole of the spectrum causes friction (33:31).
• How masculinity was distorted by the ‘masculine’ role models we have in society and media (37:42).
• His thoughts about toxic masculinity, generalization and, extremism; how to augment our world view through challenging existing beliefs, empathy and compassion; and how the lack of integration between masculinity and femininity causes vulnerability, shame, and guilt (39:00, 41:19).
• The association of masculinity with aggression and death, contrasting anger from aggression, the significance of emotional resiliency, acknowledging the importance of challenges, and the difference between challenge and competition (48:49).
• What’s the most masculine thing for men to do to diffuse conflict in a relationship (54:35), and how the belief that boys and later – men, cannot be weak sabotages their emotions and relationships (55:59; 1:02:22).
• Distinguishing love from lust, the role empathy, compassion, communication, respect, and congruency plays in the distinction, and what is the key to a great relationship (1:04:05).
• His thoughts on casual sex and sex-too-soon, and the importance of self-awareness, transparency, honesty and setting expectations in these scenarios (1:11:10; 1:16:26).
• How sensitive men can connect to those who are less sensitive, which Connor expounds by using enlightenment as an analogy (1:20:35).
• The essence of masculinity and femininity as experiences which people can both experience and integrate into their lives (1:26:45).
This episode felt more like a conversation rather than an interview. Truly an educating episode that ought to provide insights wherever in the gender spectrum one falls into.
To connect with Connor, you can checkout ManTalks or Twitter or Instagram or @CoBeaton. Or you go to the ManTalks Facebook page.
Some references mentioned in this episode may be seen below:
• Iron John: A Book About Men by Robert Bly | Amazon
• To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power by Robert Augustus Powers | Amazon
• The Book of Secrets: 112 Meditations to Discover the Mystery Within by Osho | Amazon
Connor Beaton is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on mens health, wellness, success and fulfillment. Connor is also an international speaker, podcast host, Business Coach and lifestyle entrepreneur. Before founding ManTalks, Connor worked with Apple leading high performance sales and operations teams. Since founding ManTalks, Connor has spoken on stage at TEDxStanleyPark, for the US military, taken ManTalks to over a dozen cities internationally and has been featured on platforms like Forbes, Influencive HeForShe, The Good Men Project, UN Women & CBC.
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