26 Jan EP121: How To Beat Porn Addiction | Kel Good
We have another interesting episode for this week with our guest Kel Good. He is a relationship consultant, an IT guy, entrepreneur, and author of the book 5 Keys to Successfully Beat Porn Addiction; he was also a pastor and suffered porn addiction in the past.
I think the perfect word to describe this episode, the concepts and the stories we’ve talked about is enthralling. We chatted about his personal experience and the process of beating addiction which involved acknowledging it, and facing the addiction head on instead of avoiding it.
Truly an insightful conversation, some of the topics we’ve covered are:
How working as a relationship consultant, he noticed porn addiction is one of the recurrent themes, and how he made the correlation between addictions and lack of connection (2:20).
The process of writing the book, how he managed to write the initial draft in a day – going to sleep with an interest in Kindle publishing and waking up inspired and passionate to write the 5 keys (9:43), and the balancing act he did to make the book appeal to a general market despite its content leaning towards a Christian audience. (7:40).
An account of Kel’s personal experience which he called as an “emotional desert” made him cope through porn and masturbation (3:10), and how eventually the relationship breakup made him decide to fight his addiction (10:34).
His approach to telling actual stories with a certain degree of graphic detail to show sincerity and relatability for other people who also struggle with the same problem (11:38).
Kel discussed indications of addictions such as interfering with normal patterns in your daily life, hindering you from building and having relationships (19:53), and the inability to say no to the compulsion, further being dependent on it (21:02).
He also compared porn addiction as similar to any type of addiction, but still different because as opposed to alcoholism and drug addiction – these are foreign elements we are putting inside our bodies, whereas sex drive is natural (23:23)
His masturbation statistics when he was still addicted to porn (25:23), and how Christian values says that masturbating is a sin, creating guilt and shame (26:00).
An anecdote about a method he tried employing through the help of a theological view called Christian Perfectionism, which worked for a brief time, but when repression grew, his addiction came back (30:35).
He stressed the importance of understanding the actions and manifestations on a deeper level instead of creating guilt and shame – which is more difficult it is to overcome, and suggested knowing the root cause of addictions – self-control which is easier to deal with (33:36).
He provided an analogy to illustrate why avoidance is a weak solution and why it is more important to build strength to face temptation and not be triggered (40:27).
Kel recounted how he learned to face temptations which involved looking back on the addiction and the temptation, and exposure therapy (48:13).
He touched on the 5 Keys to Beat Porn Addiction in this episode too.
Key #1 Honesty. Admit it, acknowledge what you are struggling with (28:04).
Key #2 Stop looking for a miracle (or the secular version: breaking it off cold turkey) (29:55).
Key #3 Quit thinking it’s a sin, which involved changing the mindset, understanding the actions at a deeper level, removing guilt and shame, and knowing the root cause – which is self-control (33:36).
Key #4 Quit fleeing temptation, as avoidance is not the answer to most problems, especially addictions. (40:27)
Key #5 Quit doing it for everybody else. Recognize that your actions affect and potentially hurt people around you (52:22).
If you want to learn more about these, you can grab a copy of his book available on Amazon – 5 Keys to Successfully Beat Porn Addiction for Christians by Kel Good
If you want to connect with Kel, you can visit his website Beat Your Porn Addiction, where you can contact him.
I hope that you enjoyed this episode, as much as I did interviewing Kel. A refreshing and educational take on an issue not discussed often publicly. Thanks for supporting The Intimate Lifestyle!